Bigger Races

Not to be confused wit da smaller and runtier races the bigger races are better. You see the pointy eared tree hugers ain’t no good without der sticks and their silky trousers. And waz worse than useing worm spitz fer clothin when you can use a nice piggy or humey skin?! Why der motha’s proly crying when they see their poor floozy boys running round softer den a rabbits foot. And not one of them vegemetarians can even sing to save their life. Sad lot if you ask me.

Then der are the shorter ones that ain’t so pointy eared that grub in the dirt for grubs and stuff. Like humeies but half as good. They ain’t never told the truth once in der life. Why just las’ week I saw one slinkin about with a bag of food. And where did he get dat bag? I tell yous, he filched it right out of some larger harder working humey. Don get me rong, humeys are pretty lazy too but half a humey just ain’t ever gonna amount to nothin.

And then there are dwerfs. Not too dumb but if have a drink about you best hid it good. They tend to get a lil violent when you don’t share whats not derz with dem. You catch my meaning? Its like they are lookin for your loot and stuff which no derz at all. And they smell funny. And one time I saw poke his ‘ed out of a hole and I didn’ see him so I squished him and then some more dwarfs with bigga shields got all uppity and it wot not purdy after dat.

Oh, and them lanky ones wit no propa hair who are always saying silly jibbirish stuffz and whatnot. Can’t stand them eidier. Why, if I could save der pip-squicky souls I’d bop them all wit the holy STONE FROM THE SKY and watch as dey get smarta. But you gets what you spitz in the dirt. You see Ogres ain’t like nun dem other smaller runtier races, we’s right and propper and bigger and better in every way. We smash things better, we hit things better, and on an of’ toss we even better at wood chuckin. But don take my words for it, go out der and be the biggest Ogre you can be!

Bigger Races

Legacy of Swords herman_oxborrow